Just like gazpacho

The Singapore education system is weird. Silly, even. All through primary school (which the colonies call elementary school) we had these big exams twice a year. The English ones always ended in an essay. Some questions asked us to discuss a topic or idea, others gave us a title or a sentence to start.

I hated these page long exercises in making up bullshit to satisfy teachers.

When I was in secondary one (which the colonies call the seventh grade) I had a friend named Geoffrey. Geoffrey was (and still is, I think) a very uncommon person. He (we) played a bunch of video games, and he introduced me to an Ender’s Game-like (similarly high quality) series of science fiction books and other neat stuff. He is also extremely christian. I wonder how he is now.

For one of the big exams that year (either mid-year or year final), we had a particularly prickly list of questions. I’m going to tell you the story of the question Geoffrey chose and his answer, because it is pure, distilled genius.

It’s brilliant because of its sheer ironic and comedic genius in the face of the stodgiest education system in the world, and brilliant because of the unlikely person who wrote it.

I remember it like it was only yesterday.

Keep in mind that the person who wrote this was twelve years old. Notice how he displays all the marks of an excellent author. The central conflict is simple, but despite the leanness of detail and characters, each is substantial and important. Geoffrey details and times his tale carefully, spiking it with irony and humour that is both innocent and self-aware. He demonstrates patience and instinct for writing and storytelling far beyond his age. You’ll see.

I used some, but not many liberties in reproducing this text. I wonder if the original still exists.

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PS: it’s even more entertaining to have a friend read this to you

Question 1:

“Revenge is a dish best served cold”

Answer:

Revenge is a dish best served cold, just like gazpacho.

Pierre was an excellent gazpacho chef. In fact, he was the world’s best gazpacho chef, having won the World Gazpacho Federation’s Best Gazpacho Chef title five years running. This year, he prepared to take the title for a sixth time. Pierre traveled all over France, selecting the freshest tomatoes, the crispiest onions and the most fragrant herbs to make the perfect gazpacho yet again.

However, Pierre was not the only chef with his eyes on the trophy. His nemesis Edouardo, with whom he had a long and bitter rivalry, also had designs to win Best Gazpacho Chef. Edouardo owned a restaurant just down the street from Pierre’s, and it did not help their relationship that Pierre consistently had better business, and that Edouardo had come in second to Pierre in the Best Gazpacho Chef competition for five years running.

Under the lights at the stadium, hundreds of chefs were hard at work, slicing tomatoes and crushing garlic. The whirr of blenders filled the air. As the clock counted down, Pierre put the finishing touches on his world famous gazpacho, and put a couple of cold packets into the bright red soup. A family secret passed down through generations, the cold packets chilled the gazpacho to the perfect temperature.

Unfortunately for Pierre, his cold packets were not the last thing to go into his gazpacho. Not willing to leave the contest up to the judges, Edouardo had discovered Pierre’s secret and slipped a pair of hot packets into his gazpacho while he was unaware.

To add insult to treachery, he stole two of Pierre’s cold packets and put them into his own soup. With Pierre out of the way, and his own soup perfectly chilled, Edouardo won the contest by a fair margin. Pierre was the laughing stock of the World Gazpacho Federation for serving warm gazpacho.

Pierre was dejected, and vowed that he would take back the title that was rightfully his. He spent most of the next year in seclusion, honing his skills and perfecting his recipes. His wife and daughter were very supportive of him, in spite of his very public embarrassment believed that he had been sabotaged.

The next year, Pierre returned to the World Gazpacho Federation against all expectations, and was received with laughter and sneers. As contest was about to begin, Edouardo and Pierre glared at each other across the stadium, knives drawn.

Once again, the stadium was alive with chefs mincing onions and chopping peppers. The air was full with the sound of buzzing blenders. As time drew near, Pierre put the finishing touches on his gazpacho and dropped a pair of cold packets into the soup.

Edouardo planned to ruin Pierre and take the title for the second time, and once again whilst his attention was diverted, slipped two hot packets into Pierre’s soup, and took two cold packets for his own.

Little did Edouardo know that they were not merely cold packets that he had stolen, but new extra-cold packets that Pierre had developed over the last year. The extra-cold packets were much too cold and quickly turned his gazpacho into ice. Pierre’s gazpacho, with two hot and two extra-cold packets in it, came to the perfect temperature.

Pierre reclaimed his title to cheers and applause, and Edouardo was expelled from the World Gazpacho Federation for unsporting conduct. Pierre went on to expand his restaurant and write a number of highly acclaimed cookbooks, while Edouardo suffered a nervous breakdown and is now in a mental institution.

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Okay, I took a few too many liberties with the last paragraph. The moral of the story is, don’t f— with the French.

That island in the sun

Singapore used to style itself as the “garden city”, but these days everyone is trying to be just that. Last I heard, Singapore wants to turn that all around, and be a city in a garden. Now that’s pretty neat.

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My sister’s been working for gardens by the bay, a new “concept park” in Singapore, and she’s told me a bunch of neat stuff lately. Now, I ain’t the biggest fan of this country, but they have actually done quite a few neat things.

They built a very under-publicised water solution which won a big international award, and from what people tell me (the descriptions online aren’t great), is indeed a very well designed and effective project. From what I hear, it returns water to the ocean cleaner than the water that flows from the ocean in. The green roof on their main building emulates the other high profile green roof in Singapore.

Gardens by the bay looks like a really neat project too: whilst they are building gardens with climates very different from Singapore’s tropical weather (mediterranean woodland and cloud forest), the developers are carefully keeping track of every input and output to make sure they make the best use of resources, and carefully designing buildings to carry out functions passively and use minimum external energy.

While the pictured green roof is not as effective as one could be (roofs can grow food and sprout trees and bushes that are much more effective at soaking up carbon than grass. this roof looks like it’s pretty high maintenance too), you must admit, it’s kind of a sexy building.

High end developments are really not my style, but it’s nice to see the whole “green” movement being invested in and held up as something to aspire to, especially in a country I strongly associate with materialism and luxury. And while we might not want a green roof like the one pictured on every building, the first step to getting awesome green roofs on every building is getting people to want them.

That island in the sun

Singapore used to style itself as the “garden city”, but these days everyone is trying to be just that. Last I heard, Singapore wants to turn that all around, and be a city in a garden. Now that’s pretty neat.

–

My sister’s been working for gardens by the bay, a new “concept park” in Singapore, and she’s told me a bunch of neat stuff lately. Now, I ain’t the biggest fan of this country, but they have actually done quite a few neat things.

They built a very under-publicised water solution which won a big international award, and from what people tell me (the descriptions online aren’t great), is indeed a very well designed and effective project. From what I hear, returns water to the ocean cleaner than the water that flows from the ocean in. The green roof on their main building emulates the other high profile green roof in Singapore.

Gardens by the bay looks like a really neat project too: whilst they are building gardens with climates very different from Singapore’s tropical weather (mediterranean woodland and cloud forest), the developers are carefully keeping track of every input and output to make sure they make the best use of resources, and carefully designing buildings to carry out functions passively and use minimum external energy.

While the pictured green roof is not as effective as one could be (roofs can grow food and sprout trees and bushes that are much more effective at soaking up carbon than grass. this roof looks like it’s pretty high maintenance too), you must admit, it’s kind of a sexy building.

High end developments are really not my style, but it’s nice to see the whole “green” movement being invested in and held up as something to aspire to, especially in a country I strongly associate with materialism and luxury. And while we might not want a green roof like the one pictured on every building, the first step to getting awesome green roofs on every building is getting people to want them.

Some things are meant to be

This is how health care should work: I feel bad, I see a(ny) doctor, doctor fixes me, I pay doctor.

This is how health care works in America: I feel bad, I see my “primary care provider” or something like that, p.c.p. fixes me, I pay some pre-determined fraction of the price of the drugs I get, and maybe consultation, the rest is paid by my health care plan that’s run by a corporation that handles insurance and pre-paid schemes, which either I or my employer pays a monthly premium to. There’s lots of fine print in the middle of all of that. The thisamericanlife episode is highly recommended.

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In the light of this whole health care debacle/debate going down in the US right about now, I’d like to mention that I don’t think I have any health insurance, not the same kind of insurance as in the American context anyway. I think I might have one for accident or serious illness, but none for medical expenses.

Yesterday, I woke up with a little irritating feeling in my ear, and by the time I went to bed it was so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep. Today, I went to see a doctor, just a regular ol’ general practitioner, one  I had never seen before.

She was really sharp, well spoken and helpful. She answered all my questions and discussed all the different possibilities for what I could do. It turns out I have an outer ear infection and a fluid buildup in my middle ear (damn!).

I paid out of pocket: s$70, about 50 US dollars, for the consultation, a decongestant and an antibiotic. Sure, it would be more amazing if health care in Singapore was free, but  I like how in this situation, I have the reassuring feedback where I feel like I am paying reasonably near-cost for the goods and services. Also, nobody can call this (excellent) system socialist either. Not that I’m against socialism, anyway.

Such a low fee! The clinic didn’t feel cheap either, it had carpeted floors, glass doors, a leather bench, flowers. This was also the first time I’ve seen a doctor in a long time, and it was surprisingly pleasant.

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I think this is simply a situation where there is efficient health care system which is efficient and competitive (as opposed to bureaucratic and monopolistic), and people face realistic costs and have systems that work.

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Footnote: the USA has the highest health care cost in the world, and ranks 43/190 for infant mortality (behind Cuba and Slovenia), 47/190 for life expectancy, and is generally recognised as the lowest quality care among similar countries. In 2005, about half of bankruptcy filings were due to medical expenses.

Information was got from here and here.

Some things are meant to be

This is how health care should work: I feel bad, I see a(ny) doctor, doctor fixes me, I pay doctor.

This is how health care works in America: I feel bad, I see my “primary care provider” or something like that, p.c.p. fixes me, I pay some pre-determined fraction of the price of the drugs I get, and maybe consultation, the rest is paid by my health care plan that’s run by a corporation that handles insurance and pre-paid schemes, which either I or my employer pays a monthly premium to. There’s lots of fine print in the middle of all of that. The thisamericanlife episode is highly recommended.

In the light of this whole health care debacle/debate going down in the US right about now, I’d like to mention that I don’t think I have any health insurance, not the same kind of insurance as in the American context anyway. I think I might have one for accident or serious illness, but none for medical expenses.

Yesterday, I woke up with a little irritating feeling in my ear, and by the time I went to bed it was so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep. Today, I went to see a doctor, just a regular ol’ general practitioner, one I had never seen before.

She was really sharp, well spoken and helpful. She answered all my questions and discussed all the different possibilities for what I could do. It turns out I have an outer ear infection and a fluid buildup in my middle ear.

I paid out of pocket: s$70, about 50 US dollars, for the consultation, a decongestant and an antibiotic. Sure, it would be more amazing if health care in Singapore was free, but I like how in this situation, I have the reassuring feedback where I feel like I am paying reasonably near-cost for the goods and services. Also, nobody can call this (excellent) system socialist either. Not that I’m against socialism, anyway.

Such a low fee! The clinic didn’t feel cheap either, it had carpeted floors, glass doors, a leather bench, flowers. This was also the first time I’ve seen a doctor in a long time, and it was surprisingly pleasant.

I think this is simply a situation where there is efficient health care system which is efficient and competitive (as opposed to bureaucratic and monopolistic), and people face realistic costs and have systems that work.

Footnote: the USA has the highest health care cost in the world, and ranks 43/190 for infant mortality (behind Cuba and Slovenia), 47/190 for life expectancy, and is generally recognised as the lowest quality care among similar countries. In 2005, about half of bankruptcy filings were due to medical expenses.

Information was got from here and here.

Unforeseen protractedness

A blog in four parts, that is much longer than I had initially intended
Cake will be awarded for guessing the title theme

The End
My last days in Cambridge were a storm of good times and good people: playing ultimate frisbee for the last time, going out to Gwyn Jones’s in Carlisle again (this time by train), seeing all of my favourite people in town, going to a couple of great milongas (tango dances), Bikes Not Bombs, and Daf and Laura conspiring to bake me a birthday cake (it was a really sweet surprise– it’s never happened to me before).

Life was so grand I almost didn’t get on that aeroplane.

Carry That Weight
Singapore is as weird as ever. Aside from the excellent food (which I keep hearing is stolen from Malaysia, and is better there anyway), there’s not a lot to like about it here. I’ve always found it a socially/culturally trying place, and have a hard time doing all the things I want to do, that I can do in a place like Cambridge (for example, get around by bike. Singapore is a TERRIBLE biking city).

Leaving my personal life out of the equation, I compiled a short list of reasons to hate Singapore. Whilst these don’t (or rather, have not yet) affected me, I have an intense philosophical and principled problem with them.

One party system: If you’ve ever looked at (for example) the democrat/republican squabbling in the US and thought to yourself, “hey, what a bunch of fools,” get this: Singapore has had ONE party in pretty much absolute and dominant power, since its independence. It’s called the PAP and its priorities are, in no particular order, control, stability, and image (trading for it the human rights enjoyed in most high-GDP highly educated countries). Hence, all the counter-critic action, all the population control laws (see below) and all the gerrymandering (the government routinely changes voting district boundaries in order to ensure its MPs are elected) and regulations on smaller opposition parties to ensure that they will never be able to compete with the PAP.

Freedom of assembly: Singapore used to limit-nay-deny the freedom of assembly by requiring a police permit for gatherings of more than five people. In 2009-ish, it changed to require a permit for any outdoor gathering that was related to any cause. In January, 2009 they arrested a two-man protest of the unfair treatment of and earlier protest of the Myanmar government during their whole constitutional referendum debacle.
Get this: the new bill also allows police to stop people from filming law enforcement “if it could put officers in danger.” This is the worse confusion of reason I’ve ever heard used to create an unconstitutional policy.

Freedom of speech: Singapore has severely restricted freedoms of speech. It’s got a speaker’s corner, modeled on the famous one at Hyde Park in London, but be damned if you think you can speak your mind there. Here‘s a fun little article that demonstrates how absurd things can be.

Freedom of press: Follows freedom of speech as abysmal. Examples are pretty easy to find on the internet

Black Bagging: Singapore’s Internal Security Act allows the government to arrest and detain individuals indefinitely without warrant or trial. This piece of legislation is a relic of 1960, where it was written to control communists (which is unconstitutional in and of itself, might I point out). It was used more liberally in the 1960s through 80s to control social activists and opposition parties (which is grossly inethical, might I point out). It has even been used as recently as June 2010. Whilst the details of the recent case are unclear, I must point out that there is absolutely no reason to detain anyone at all without trial. It is against any constitution and every human right.

Here’s the icing on the cake:
Charismatic churches (pastor disaster, ha ha!): In recent times, Singapore has experienced a bloom of swanky churches, where mass / service is attended by a highly unrepresentative population of, on average, extremely wealthy people. They donate (as is recommended by the bible, and I hear, quite well enforced by the church) a tenth of not just their salary –Chinese businessmen are too savvy for that– their net income, from assets and from paycheck. Their pastors drive Mercedeses and BMWs, live in big houses and often own a number of others. I don’t know how they can go along with churches that are basically donation clubs for rich Singaporeans, let alone trust their BMW driving pastor’s guidance.
A recent investigation uncovered extremely sneaky means by which church leaders are able to circumvent laws and regulations to benefit from these donations. It involves the church making large donations to other churches, outside the jurisdiction of Singapore law, such as in the Philippines (as an example, and not to pick on them in any way), with the catch that they must invite the pastor to speak at their church, for which the fee is, say, half of what that large donation was (Singapore can’t force the church in the Philippines to hand over information on the transaction). And for the church in the Philippines of a million dollars is a lot of money, and half is better than nothing, eh?

and, I almost forgot– put this in your pipe: Singapore has one of the highest income disparities in the world, on par with many African (politically corrupt, might I add) countries. Its neighbours on the big list? Burundi, Kenya, Iran and Nicaragua. I guess this is not so far off from the USA, where taxes and other policies that have favoured the rich for generations. From recent Singapore newspaper articles I’ve read, the poorest people here are starting to find that they make less than a living wage.

It’s clear that my ideologies differ from the leadership’s in some pretty fundamental ways, but is this the kind of place anyone would want to live in? If they had a choice? If they were well informed? All the information I used to write this (besides floating in my head) is easily available in open channels, and on the internet. I think that people are on the whole well suppressed and well misled, coddled with a bit of comfort and had the wool pulled over their eyes.
Singapore’s really well developed economically, but really needs to wake up and grow socially, culturally, intellectually, and all the other -allys they’ve missed.

Through the Bathroom Window
Singapore’s got a great little theatre scene, in which they make fun and jest of and generally celebrate the precious little culture of and little big news and happenings around Singapore, sometimes even poking fun at the government. And it’s surprisingly good, with loads of original music and lots of Singapore in-jokes. It usually makes me smile and laugh.

Living inside Singapore’s great little theatre scene is Singapore great little gay theatre scene.

In a country where not only is same sex marriage not lawful, but where there is still an “unnatural sex” law that prohibits homosexual sex explicitly and homosexual relationships implicitly, there is a thriving gay club scene, as well as a gay theatre scene where some very gay plays (featuring some very prominent local celebrities) take on the issues of being gay in Singapore in really big ways. Often funny, sometimes very poignant and sad.

I’m super proud and appreciative that they dare do this in Singapore, and that they pulled it off so well. Every show I’ve been to has been packed.

Majesty
What really earns Singapore a special place in my heart (at this moment, as much as I hate to admit it) is the tango. Tango in Singapore has been so much fun: people have been really friendly and welcoming, and dance very well. Singapore is also one of those rare places that (I know from personal experience) men will dance with men (it’s quite common for women to dance with women, it seems/I hear). Why is this important to me? I started to write but it got long, I’ll explain this another time.

When I dance in Boston, I usually never stay til the end of a milonga, but the first night I went out dancing in Singapore, I stayed out til two in the morning (way way past my bedtime). It was just great– I couldn’t leave.

Why is this important? It’s a hint that I can find something I like doing, and something that makes me happy, anywhere, even in Singapore.